My New FAVORITE Book: Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close

Only 80 pages in and am totally in love. Completely fascinating/applicable/sad/heartwarming/insightful. Here's one of my favorite quotes:

"What's wrong?"
"The same thing that's always wrong."
"You're sick?"
"I'm sad."
"About Dad?"
"About everything."
"What's everything?"
I started counting on my fingers: "The meat and dairy products in our refrigerator, fistfights, car accients, Larry-"
"Who's Larry?"
"The homeless guy in front of the Museum of Natural History who always says 'I promise it's for food' after he asks for money." She turned around and I zipped her dress while I kept counting. "How you don't know who Larry is, even though you probably see him all the time, how Buckminster just sleeps and eats and goes to the bathroom and has not raison d'etre, the short ugly guy with no neck who takes tickets at the IMAX theater, how the sun is going to explode one day, how every birthday I always get at least one thing I already have, poor people who get fat because they eat junk food because it's cheapers..." That was when I ran out of fingers, but my list was just getting started..."domesticated animals, how I have a domesticated animal, nightmares, Microsoft Windows, old people who sit around all day because no one remembers to spend time with them and thye're embarrassed to ask people to spend time with them, secrets, dial phones, how Chinese waitresses smile even when there's nothing funny or happy, and also how Chinese people own Mexican resaurants but Mexican people never own Chinese restaurants, mirrors, tape decks, my unpopularity at school, Grandma's coupons, storage facilities, people who don't know what the Internet is, bad handwriting, beautiful songs, how ther won't be humans in fifty years-"

this is sad, but so, so true....

"A Loss of Something Ever Felt I-"

I often find it easier to write about trials than to speak about them. It's not for loss of opportunity, I have plenty of people around me with open ears and hearts, but there's something cathartic about seeing what makes me sorrowful, or fearful, or simply emotional in black and white. I guess it creates the illusion of finality. That there is no grey areas left in my mind concerning the matter left unexplored. Only black text on white paper. I feel the need for that closure.

"One in seven pregnancies end in miscarriage" that's what the doctor in the ER told me. My OB said the same and added "Well, at least you know you can get pregnant." This was a consolation for my husband. It was not for me. Their statements were innocent enough but there was something offensive about it. It was as if they essentially took an extremely painful, personal experience, and disqualified it because of how frequently it occurs. Instead of being a woman in distress, I became one in seven. A statistical odd.

I will say that I'm grateful that things played out the way they did. I did not know I was pregnant. My period had been extremely irregular, and though we were trying, I assumed the presence of blood meant I could not be pregnant. I was wrong. After spending weeks of strange, spotty bleeding, and severe cramping that culminated in two hours crouched in the fetal position, moaning, I went to the ER. I only had pain on my right side. I was sure it was an appendicitis.

Six hours later I was informed that I was pregnant. An hour after that I was informed that I was having a miscarriage.

I was put on bed rest for three days. Left to ruminate about my physical pain and what I lost. I found myself irrationally emotional. Even watching SpongeBob SquarePants made me cry!

After three days, I returned to my OB. Though I spoke with a nurse in detail about my situation days before and she promised to make notes so that they could request my paperwork from the ER and schedule a second ultra-sound, the receptionist greeted me that day and asked if I was there for a prenatal visit. "No" I said, "I'm having a miscarriage". I could tell she was thrown off guard by my blunt response, but her silence on the issue bothered me.

Then I made my way to the nurses station, "So you're pregnant?" she asked me in happy tones. "Yes" I responded, "but I'm having a miscarriage." She became silent, finished taking my blood pressure, and left me in the small room.

Then came the doctor. "So you're here for some vaginal bleeding?" He asked. "No. I'm here because I'm having a miscarriage." He then became irritated, I assume because of the incompetence of his staff, but it made the visit even more difficult.

I can't tell you how many times in the weeks preceding this experience that I nearly took a pregnancy test. Thank-goodness I didn't. I can't imagined what it would be like to get excited about a baby, only to lose it. I'm even more grateful that I didn't have to carry the baby, like some women, for several months, if not full term, just to lose it. I'm grateful that after weeks of heart stopping cramps, and eight days of constant and intense pain, the pregnancy tissue has finally passed and all I'm left with is a soar abdomen and heavy bleeding. I'm grateful that this doesn't mean I can't get pregnant in the future. I'm grateful that my body will heal in a matter of three months.

Nonetheless, I keep thinking about a line from a Dickinson poem,  "A Loss of Something Ever Felt I-". I've lost something. I know it could have been worst, I know it happens to a lot of people, but I still feel the loss.

My baby was eight weeks along. He or she was only the size of a grape, but had a heart, a discernible nose, eyes, and mouth.

A Lovely Summer Break....

...is now coming to a close. 

I can't say I'm terribly upset. I like autumn and school.  

In fact, my summer was only one month and two weeks this years because I took summer courses (and learned all about YAL and Conrad and Casey Anthony...random, right?). But, I do realize that I didn't do a whole lot of blogging this season. And the few blogs I added were sparse and poorly assembled. Can you blame me? Summer was calling my name with it's enticing weather and an endless list of "to do"'s (including ANOTHER move...Blake and I now call ourselves transient bums).

So allow me to catch you up...

1. Book list. I read like...50 some odd titles this summer amounting to 25,000ish pages and sixteen books a month. Even for me, that's a lot! I updated my "Words" tab, so if you're looking for a good read, check it out.


2. The Move. Oh my. Third floor. My poor family was dying after going up and down hundreds of times. How do we have so much stuff!?! Not only that, we moved a week before finals! I can't say we're done moving (the extra bedroom is stuffed with crud, and we haven't done much decorating) but we do have everything we need. Maybe we should just trash the rest...


3. Seven. Or rather, Seven the Destroyer. 
Did you know we have another dog? Oh my, we're going to be we are dog people and all my life I swore I'd never buy a small dog....BUT, I will say, I love Seven. He idolizes me, follows me around, cuddles up to me...it's hard to be too mad at something that is so loving...then again, when he ripped up Blake's car seat, I found some wrath for him. 


Anyway, he's a purebred Mini Schnauzer, brought here from a puppy mill in Texas. I'd recommend adoption to anyone who's considering getting a dog. We love both of our pups.




You may be asking yourself why we named him Seven....if you know anything about Seinfeld, you'll know. :)






4. CPK California Club. It's my favorite summer-time pizza recipe. You should give it a try, mix up the ingredients to fit you.

Use your favorite pizza dough recipe (or buy some). Top it with lots of Mozzarella, crumbled bacon, and chicken (I use rotisserie chicken, and freeze whatever's left over for another meal). 


Notice there is no sauce in this recipe. Blake was freaked out by this fact (so was my dad, LOL), BUT once they tried the completed version, they were converted!


Bake it off until the dough's cooked through and the cheese is nice and brown and bubbly.


Shred some lettuce and dress is with either ranch or caesar. Dice some tomatoes and avocado, and VOALA! 


CPK California Club Pizza. 


Bon Appetite



5. New job.


Blake has once again found a new job. We both think this one will be a better environment for him. I hope we're right!


6. The painting of the nasty apartment cabinets...this is the current project I'm working on. I didn't expect it to take this long (the wood is super absorbent, and needs four or five coats of paint to get the coverage I want, UGH) But it will look amazing once it's done, especially with the new flooring.


7. We decided to post the Audi on KSL. It was just too expensive to fix, and we needed something more spacious. I don't know if I was sad or shocked when it sold in a mere three hours!


I now have a 2007 Nissan Altima, and I love it. It drives even smoother than the Audi, and has a V6 engine.


That is all.

My brand-new photo editing tool!: iSplash...

Can't wait until I have more time to mess around with this tool. Basically, you choose which colors show in the picture. Gotta love Bri's bright orange jacket!

Yellowstone!

A Defense of the Undefendable

It's becoming clear to me that people are really curious to know what one might do with a degree in literature/English/anything artistic. I have to believe it's merely curiosity, otherwise I'd have to believe that people are rude and ignornant.

Just the other day I met some random person, who asked me about my major. When I told him, his response was, "Oh, so you're just an Enlgish major."

Just an English major?!?!?!?!  Just! You gotta be freaking kidding me!

Even though I'm "just" an English major, I'd like to point out the following things.

I can...

Blow your mind with complex philosophical paradigms, including those of Marx, Lacan, Foucault, and Beauvoir.

Read and comprehend a piece of literature while applying a variety of theoretical constructs, including, but not limited to: Old Criticism, New Criticism, Reader-Response, Feminism, Queer Theory, Psychoanalysis, New Historicism, Structuralism, Deconstruction, Cultural Materialism.

Define the following words: Episteme, ontological status, aporia, diachrony, synchrony, logocentrism, transcendental signified.

Understand the world, and the people in it, better because I dedicate myself to studying them through literature.

Write in my sleep.

Add and subtract without calculators (shocker!)

Suceed in a society that favors first level thinkers and men.

Understand that literature is not only a reflection of our society, but a powerful force that molds our minds, behavoirs and history.

Do whatever I want. I choose to major in English. I could have very easily taken a different road. In fact, in another life, I very nearly became a science major.

Most importantly, I understand the niceties of society and know (without a doubt) that my knowledge of literature will serve me much better than who-ever-that-kid-was-that-slammed-my-major's vast knowlegde of poli-sci. (I will also take this opportunity to mention that his shirt did not match his shorts and his breath smelt of pickled eel).

And if all else fails, I can take you out back and smack you with my degree.

That is all.

Oh yeah...And for those utilitarians out there that sadly believe that income is the sole goal of education, here is a small sampling of English majors who make a whole lot more money than you and I will ever see...


■James Cameron (director, editor, producer, screenwriter of “Titanic”)

■Mario Cuomo (former governor of New York)

■Matt Damon (actor, screenwriter)

■Michael Eisner (Walt Disney CEO)

■Harrison Ford (actor)

■Jodi Foster (actress, filmmaker)

■Kathryn Fuller (World Wildlife Fund CEO)

■A. Bartlett Giamatti (President, Yale University and Commissioner of Baseball)

■Stephen King (novelist)

■Conan O’Brien (talk show host, writer)

■Joe Paterno (football coach, Penn State)

■Christopher Reeve (actor, writer, director)

■Sally Ride (astronaut)

■Susan Sarandon (actress)

■Diane Sawyer (broadcast journalist)

■Paul Simon (songwriter, singer)

■Sting (singer, songwriter, musician, actor, environmental activist)

■Steven Spielberg (filmmaker)

■Brandon Tartikoff (television executive)

■Clarence Thomas (U.S. Supreme Court Justice)

■Emma Thompson (actress, producer, screenwriter)

■Harold Varmus (Nobel laureate in medicine, Director of National Institute of Health)

■Barbara Walters (broadcast journalist)

■Pete Wilson (former governor of California)

■Reese Witherspoon (actress)

■Renee Zellweger (actress)

The Art of Doing Nothing

Since I've taken a job as receptionist I've had to master the art of doing nothing. Everyone here knows it. In fact, many have compliment my ability to stay occupied. There's such a high turnover rate for this position, I'm convinced it is because others have tried, and failed, to master this art form.

I wish to share with you my knowledge.

1-Break time into units.

I learned this trick from the Hugh Grant film "About A Boy". When you're given nine hours to do one hour of work, it is easy to be intimidated. The key to sucess is to break that time down into units. Making it through 30 minutes is much easier than making it through an enitre day.

2-Break down your work.

When I first took this position, I repeatedly made the folly of doing all my work in the first hour of work, leaving the rest of the day to do nothing. I would also quickly exhausted my "things to do while doing nothing" options. This made the last few hours of work excruciating. Now I spread out the responsibilities and activities. In the morning I open up the branch, in the late morning I check the "ready for funding" que, in the afternoon I prepare files for the courier, in the mid-afternoon I audit all the logs and drawers, etc...

3-Keep a list of things to do when you're doing nothing.

Through the weeks, I've progressively developed a list of things to fill up my "nothing" time, keeping in mind that each activity should take no longer than one or two units (other wise I wear myself out). I also like to appear busy, that way I occasionally fool even myself into believing that I'm actually doing something worthwhile. Activities include: Take a nice stroll through the branch, chat-up a member, aimlessly surf KSL.com, write in my blog, find a pirated copy of a book online and read a few chapters, write an e-mail to someone outside the credit union, etc...

By and large, I think it's safe to say I'm now a master of the art of doing nothing. Is that a marketable skill?It's hard to say.

The Dog Poop Cookie

You know the Dog Poop Cookie Metaphor? Right? The one where you decide to make Chocolate Chip cookies so you spend time and energy gathering ingredients, mixing, creaming, stiring, measuring, baking, all in an effort to make the perfect cookie.

But by some cruel twist of fate you realize a small piece of dog poop somehow made it's way into the batter. Though the cookies look the same, smell the same, and probably taste the same, it's definitely not the same. In fact, the whole batch is ruin all because of one tiny piece of dog poop.

Sometimes I feel like my life is a banner for the dog poop cookie metaphor. After dedicating time, energy, concern, and who know what else to life I still somehow manage to let slip a tiny bit of dog poop into my life-batter. And whabam, we're back at square one, starting the recipe all over again.

Even though someone might look at my life and say, Oh, that looks like a delicious cookie! I want one!

Little do you know, it's chuck full of dog poop!

Then again, there's plenty about my life that is delicious. I just can't help but wonder when I'll stop allowing that little piece of dog poop access to my cookies.

To Bri...

...who knows that saying nothing is sometimes the best thing to say.

To Kristen...

....who happiness always seems to find.

May 15, 2011

Once again the parents have left to yet another engineering conference. This time at New Orleans. With them away, Blake and I decided to invite Krist, Bri, and Nate over for an overnight stay. Of course the first night I was sick and after making dinner, had to stay home while they went to a late movie. (What's up with that? Lately I've been getting sick every other week! Ugh!)

Anyhow, the next morning we had waffles (my favorite recipe!) then made our to the lovely lake/park down the street from us in the Daybreak community. It's one of my favorite places to go on a warm sunny day. There's parks, lovely landscaping, and a nice path that goes all the way around the lake. Here's a few of the highlights.

On another, unrelated note, for the first time in several months, I saw my favorite berry in the grocery store! 

While this little beauty is fantastic all by itself, there is one very simply go-to recipe I use whenever I have fresh fruit and I'm worried it'll go bad before I can use it all.

Here's what you'll need: 

Pound Cake (angle food would work as well) you of course could make the cake, but Sara Lee makes a wonderful cake that I always keep on hand in my freezer for days when I need something sweet, fast.

You'll also need:

Any fresh berry or fresh peaches

1 Pint Whipping Cream

14 oz can of Sweetened Condensed Milk

1 Cup Cold Water

1 teaspoon Almond Extract

3 oz box Vanilla Pudding (or cheesecake)

Mix the Cream, Sweetened Condensed Milk, Cold Water, Almond Extract and Pudding until smooth. Refrigerate until the pudding sets up, around 15 minutes. Layer the cake, pudding mix, and fresh fruit to creak a lovely, quick, and absolutely delicious summer time dessert!

Enjoy!

If I Say "Hi" to You Do Not...

My job requires that I "greet" every individual that walks through the door. This job, though at first tedious and tiresome, has become increasingly interesting. For those of you who do not want to become a victim of my uncouth sense of humor I have the following suggestions.

If someone says "Hi" do not respond by:

1. Saying "Good."

2. Looking at me in a bewildered, distracted way, so much so that you lose your footing and trip. It's not like I said something dirty, I said "Hi".

3. Look at me, then look away pretending like you never heard me. Just so ya know, I know you heard me, you looked when I first said it.

Here are a few more suggestions for public behavior:

1. When asking for the location of the restroom, unless you're younger than five, it is not appropriate to say, "I gotta pee, where's your bathroom?" Especially if you're a grown man. I really did not want to know that you "gotta pee".

2. I'm not a mom, so I can't make many assumptions about appropriate behaviors for parents, but I think it's safe to say that if your child is running around in circles of a bank lobby yelling "SUCKERS! SUCKERS! SUUUUUUCKEEEEERSSSSSS!" it would be a good idea to ask them to stop. Just a thought.


Any other thoughts about appropriate public behavior?

Goodbye Winter, Hello Spring

Goodbye winter, hello spring. Can I say that yet? It seems like winter has dragged on and on and on! Even now, I'm sitting in my family room with the balcony door open and my winter coat on, hoping for a ray of sunshine! Granted, it is a lot warmer than it was over the weekend (did anyone else have to scrape their car Friday morning of ice??). It's sufficiently cold and overcast today that my door should not be open. I guess I'm desperate! Besides, doesn't the saying go "April showers bring May flowers"? Well, incase mother nature is not aware, it is officially MAY and I want some flowers! :) I guess I should be smart enough by now to know that Utah goes directly from unbearably cold to unbearably hot. 

Anyhow, I have some fun pics from Blake and my comings and goings through this pseudo-spring time.

So random question-Blake is completely obsessed with these things. His car always smells like "New Car Scent", and mine smells like "Very Berry", which is great. But does anyone else think these little hanging trees look kind of trashy??....What do you think?

Anyhow, back on track: Dinner at my grandma Money's

Hahahahhahahahahaha-I love my mom. Not to mention my grandma's funny expression, is she eating something sour? IDK, all I know is the jello we're all eating is delic. (Does Nate have a little mexi-stache going on??)

Nelson Family Party

We had a family party at my Aunt Sandra's. Here's Kristen and our cousin's daughter, Addison. Isn't she so cute?

Emily's Twelfth Birthday Party

Emily (center) is my sister-in-law. She turned twelve and I helped out with her party by making pizza for the group.

McDonnalds Grand Opening

On to the next event, McDonnalds! So, Blake decided that he wanted to go the the McDonnalds "grand opening" for the new McDonnalds in Herriman. His motivation being that if he stayed over night he'd get a coveted free combo meal for a year (I personally think that sounds kind of disgusting...but whatev'). There was only one hitch, he didn't get off work in time. Enter, me and Denny.

I couldn't tell you why I'm smiling in this picture, it was freezing cold, even Denny was cold, and I sat for several hours waiting. When Blake got off work he switched me places and stayed all night long with his brother and friend Nick.

Journey to the Center of the Earth!

Have you ever been to Bingham Copper Mine? Well Blake and I live about ten minutes away, and since I"ve never been before, we headed on over. The pit was unbelievably deep, this picture really doesn't do it justice. They've truly dug thruogh an entire mountain. It was pretty awesome, they have monster trucks there that make buses look like toys.

Ruth's Diner up Immigration Canyon

With Blakes new job, he doesn't have many saturdays off. A couple saturdays ago he was actually off! And we were wasting it! Just sitting around, not sure what to do when bam we saw an episode of Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives on Food Network, telling us to head over to Ruth's Diner up Immigration Canyon for a superb breakfast. And it was to die for!

I had a smoked salmon omelet

Blake had their famous biscuits and gravy. It was delic! You should check it out.

Summer Clothes Shopping

Even though there arestill skiffs of snow on the ground, we couldn't stop oursleves from going summer clothes shopping!

Kristen, Bri, mom, and I went. Isn't this bag cute?

Oh yeah, and Blake was there too! He got some Tom's shoes.

Days at the Park

Flying Denny!

Now that the snow is gone we've really enjoyed taking Denny to parks and letting him run around. 

Finally, we had a family party for Easter and I tried out a Blueberry Lemon Cheesecake bar recipe. I forgot to take a pretty picture, and took one half way through dessert-they don't look like much but they are SO great! In fact, most of the recipes I try just end up saved on my computer, very few actually make it to my recipe box, on a recipe card, but this one did. So I'm not lying when I say, this is a keeper and you should try it out.

Blueberry Lemon Cheesecake Bars

Preheat oven at 325 degrees.

Base Crust:

2 T Sugar

1/8 t Cinnamon

9 graham crackers

1/2 stick butter

Put all these ingredients in a food processor (or blender), and pulse until they're only crumbs. Press into the bottom of a 9*9 inch pan, bake in oven 12 minutes. Remove from oven, and cool before adding the filling.

Filling:

16 oz cream cheese (two packages)

2 eggs

2 lemons zest and juice

1/2 c sugar

Mix all these very well, I use the same food processor (or blender). Once the crust has cooled, pour the mix over the it. Drop 1 1/2 cups fresh blueberries into the filling. The blueberries break down as they bake and are SO delicious by the time it's all done.

Bake 35 min, when you take it out it'll still be jiggly, just allow it to cool and put it in the refrigerator for at least three hours. By the time it's done cooling, it'll be nice and firm.

You really have to try these, they are SO good!

Curtesy Food Network, Tyler Florence

T=Tablespoons

t=teaspoons

Can't wait until I have some warm, summer pictures!